One bad night led to another then another and after a week of night terrors I slowly spiralled out of control until I was afraid to go to bed at night. Somehow my anxiety had returned in the form of bad dreams. The affects of the poor nights on me saw me drawing more and more into myself. Relaxation was out of the question as I tied myself up in knots wondering where these images had come from.
I finally attempted to listen to soothing spa music. I sat half upright in bed in an awkward position, my eyes darting towards the door. I was so scared of even daydreaming that the music did not soothe me. I was desperate to relax and searched for some chakra balancing music or maybe a Reiki piece. I found a lovely album with rippling steams, Tibetan gongs and long drawn out astral notes.
It took a long time to relax. It had been so long since I had attempted to meditate. I had forgotten how hard it was. My mind darted around like a trapped fly until I finally opened the window and succumbed. After a couple of hours I felt so much lighter. I had rested. I felt renewed.
I had been brought back to a time where I had been burnt out at work in my early twenties and had half heartedly decided to have a spa treatment at work instead of going home early. The music I was now listening to was that same soothing music we had played in the spa, the same music I heard for years of my career but never allowed to relax me as I had so much work to do. I remembered how that day I had fallen into a deep trance, aware of my surroundings yet free to allow my mind to drift away. I was having a water treatment and I was unable to move my body, my mind however was light and free. It was a strong sensation and I enjoyed every minute. At the time I did not spend any time in quiet contemplation, I did not have much time for myself nor did I give myself time to relax or enjoy my own company.
Battling with ones mental health is exhausting. Sleep is disturbed with thoughts or you feel as though you could sleep all day. Relaxation and sleep are different. When relaxed it is easier to solve problems.
Does the body heal itself during meditation, relaxation or a semi lucid state? Had I been denying myself of this over the years and is this a possible reason why my body broke down?
I decided to try to incorporate meditative music into my day. I have decided that regardless of amount of sleep I experience at night that I would set aside time each day to listen to music and allow my body to become weightless of my problems and fully experience a relaxed state.