I am back on the amitriptyline and so far have nothing major to report after my five days break apart from a desire to sleep shortly after waking and the absence of colourful dreams. Everything is dull and grey. My life is in greyscale. I have though had an increase in flashing electrical lights before my eyes. I once described this to my mental health practitioner who asked me if I felt ‘special‘? With a history of hallucinations and auditory hallucinations I can tell you that I bloody well do not! I am sure the padded cell was waiting for me as I said this. As with the former everything I experience is a result of medications or hormones.
Never in my life had I seen flashing lights or white spots in my vision before I started SSRI’s. When I was on Duloxitine I experienced a flooding of (I am guessing here) adrenaline that I could feel around my body making me feel sick. I would also experience a juddering sensation in my head that would make me dizzy and again make me feel sick. As I could not describe this sensation adequately to my GP I remained on the meds until I could not take it anymore.
Most of the meds I have been given have made me feel numb, dull and half a person. Life in greyscale. Not black or white; an eerie in between nothingness.
I do dream so that is good, I am reaching stages of REM sleep however I do not feel refreshed. There is still a long way to go I guess before I am used to the meds and my life leaves the greyscale stages