What does trust mean to me?

She asks what trust means to me. The breath stops in my chest, tears pool in the corner of my eye ready to spill out. ‘Everything’ I mumble looking out at nothing in particular. A sandstorm of all the people who have hurt me swirl around my mind as I remember a flash of betrayal then a snippet of abandonment. I wonder how I have any trust left.

‘I suppose my definition has changed over the years. Everyone deserves a fair chance but now? well now I just cannot have anyone around me even though I need to learn to trust again. ‘

I think about my neediness, my welcoming arms, friendly smile and realise I invite these bloodsuckers to me. I give too easily. Pragmatist to the end, always believing it will get better.

I should not trust myself. I should trust that I will attract the wrong person, be taken advantage of again, be the loser, again.

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