today I sat with my Dad drinking expensive wine and talking about ayahuasca and why I wanted to try it. It is my thirty fourth birthday and I’m old enough now to talk to my parents about these things. Age really has nothing to do with it as having survived multiple suicide attempts together, we, as a family, are open and honest. The conversation turns to mind alteration, altered states of consciousness and meditation. We chat about aliens, ETs, ghosts and God as an energy source.
‘My path is leading me to ayahuasca’ I tell him. ‘I fought my life for so long and I am here to experience something that I cannot explain. Everyday the path is clearer and the direction is obvious. I want to touch ancient monoliths, see how others live and continue to make others smile by being myself.’
‘You always were special’ he tells me ‘we always knew’. I press him for what it is about me they are referring to when my mother starts talking about intuition. ‘You have it it or you don’t and you just know’.
I am thirty four today. Thirty four freaking years of being me. Is it something to celebrate? I do not know. I no longer loathe myself nor do I feel worthless or empty. I accept that I am here and that I have purpose, a higher purpose. Right now I am being led to ancient worlds, worlds I have dreamt of for years. I want to go, I finally will go. How many years have I put off my middle eastern trip? How many times have i promised myself a solo trip away to sit and write?
As I blow out my birthday candles I know what I must do. I wish love & light to all and most importantly the belief that following your dreams is exactly what you should do
Cheers! Let’s drink to that x