The weight of everything seems unbearable as I struggle to make it through the week. I have thought about giving up so many times. Insomnia allows my over active mind to push me, pull me, take me under, over and through so many different scenarios that I can no longer eat due to exhaustion and even breathing is hard.
The weight of it all, that illustration in Matthew Johnstones book, I feel it now. A heavy cumbersome awkward dog that stifles me, my creativity and my ability to see the beauty of the world.
My friends are phenomenal right now but nothing changes. Saturday will pass, Sunday too and I will not know what to do with myself on Monday. I am deflating. I become smaller and smaller, insignificant.
I need the black dog to get off me. I am completely smothered. The heaviness pins me down .