I’ve been thinking …

How do transformations happen? Can you see yourself in the moment or only when it’s nearly over and you know that you’ve changed? I am somehow different now. I know that I am stronger and  more together. I still suffer. I still wonder what is going on in my life but on it goes.

I’ve been thinking about all the heartache and pain, all the tears and anger and guilt that built up over the years and how desperately I tried to prevent it from taking over my life and consuming me. Suddenly I realise I am succeeding; that this is happening. 

I’ve been thinking about the future, of a holiday in the sun on my beautiful white isle, laughing, smiling, relaxing …

I’ve been thinking about where I will be on my birthday. Thinking about the winter when the spring hasn’t yet sprung. I’ve been thinking about growth and how this little bulb has finally made its way out of the deep dark soils and transformed into a blooming blossom. 

I’ve been thinking about thinking. I know and appreciate where my mind has been. I know I needed to let go. I know thinking about thinking is sometimes the best and safest place you know.



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