Following on from the broken tooth I become mindful of my mouth and relies that I am clenching my jaw and possibly grinding my back teeth whilst I sleep! I realise this walking down the road when I catch a glimpse of my reflection and I’m pulling a strange gurney face and frowning. Six months of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy a few years ago come back and I become ‘mindful’ and ‘aware’ of my thoughts. I am angry, I am frustrated, I am sad. Slowly I unravel the whys and what I can do to rectify’s.
It’s only been a few days and I’m struggling. Last night I burst into tears as I walked home. I was scared. All I could think was Trigger, Trigger, Trigger! I fear spells of depression and self destruction and know all it sometimes takes is one catastrophe to trigger off the dominion effect that brings me crashing down!
Out of nowhere came an idea. A friendly face I hadn’t seen for a while. Someone who knows me, who can understand me, someone who can help. Someone completely different to me, yet one who views me with respect.
It worked. I ramble in my crazy way over Skype. I can see my hands flying around, garbled nonsense and ideas come rushing out and I realise this is the release I needed.
I slept better last night than I have in weeks. My jaw hurts a little but I feel so much better. I need to release more, let it out. Be more mindfull of myself.