Without sedatives

It’s been a while since I threw a pack of sedatives in my handbag. I am not entirely sure when I last had them prescribed, she used to just give them to me every time I came in, once a month, sometimes twice. I do not recall the last time I saw my Doctor.

I am having a life without sedatives.

 It somehow started when I wasn’t sedated I guess, then slowly it continued. Those fuddled foggy days are gone. Those manic, anxious, panic struck, palpitating can’t get your breath, wanna scratch off all your skin, right now right here, fall on the floor and cry days; gone.

But I do not clap or cheer. I do not even smile. I know what is really going on. 

My life is without sedatives but I am also without any real emotion at all. Void, gone.

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