I started to get stressed around the end of November, I had returned to university to commence my Masters, I had a new job, a new routine and I also had a stupid plus one to my friends wedding and couldn’t find a soul to accompany me.
As December began my sleep pattern deteriorated and I ate sporadically. The diet I was on to lose weight so I could fit into the dress was going ok but running around on few calories led me prone to the winter office sniffles and I started to cough and splutter like everyone else. The week of the wedding I was a mess; why would no one go with me? Why must I be single?? As is always the case I had nothing to worry about and had the best time there – solo. I spent the next week on a high, what had I been worrying about?
The eve of Christmas Eve I had trouble getting out of bed. The cough was almost gone and I mistook body fatigue for tiredness. I dragged myself to work, I muddled through. That evening I felt a strange pain across my abdomen, something I had not felt for some time… In the morning I couldn’t move, I ached, I hurt, it was back . For hours I lay on my front breathing deeply and telling myself I was ok. By lunchtime I had found my old hot water bottle and placed it in its familiar spot whilst I curled up in a ball. For the first time in almost a year I cried in pain. I cursed myself – I had done this, the stress of the last few months had made this grow, I had survived almost a year without a cyst and now I had one.
Thoughts become Things!
I have spent the last few months praising myself for all the positive changes I have achieved whilst simultaneously putting myself down for being single – madness! These negative thoughts impacted on my physical health. I know this as I’ve lived relatively painfree all year. This year was a miracle really, drug free, no biopsies or screened blood, no cancer scares, no internal investigations, no nothing. I was free to get on and enjoy myself – I smiled, I danced and I felt like myself for the first year in seven.
Christmas Day was a painful one, I was quiet as not to upset my family and drugged up to cope with the excruciating pain. I could not eat nor drink. I slept through. I felt my cyst twisting, being irritated and then it finally burst on Boxing Day; I swore to change my thinking once and for all.
Our bodies are such delicate and intricate machines. Our thoughts control much more than we can ever percieve. Whether it is scientifically proven or not thinking negatively impacts the body. I am testament to that. Maybe I was to only have four cysts this year or maybe it was the change to my diet, my job, my environment – or maybe it was simply that in February I said no more! I had a cyst free summer but my thinking slipped in November and sure enough in December my cysts were back. Now again I say No More; Forevermore
I see the pain and concern in my families eyes when I say my cysts are back, I know as I slept beside the flickering lights of the Christmas tree they were sad and scared. Christmas should not be Cystmas.
I will be changing my thinking and I hope I can change yours too. Thoughts are Powerful, if you believe 2017 will be your year then it will be, if you need me, call me and I will help you through.