Happy No Baby Day

I am really happy today and for the first time since I was twenty two, Mothering Sunday has passed without as much as a raised eyebrow from me. It is over. Today on Happy You Have No Baby Day I am fine with things. I no longer desire a baby and I no longer mourn for one.
I will probably have to change my blog as I have survived infertility and I have jumped all of the famous stages of grief hurdles and now I triumphantly stand at the finish line.

Does this mean I am happy? cured?? No, no it does not. It simply means another chapter of my life is before me, one where my mental health is incorporated but not attach to infertility. When I am having a bad day, it is a bad day and it has nothing to do with being infertile. 

How does it feel to be infertile, to know that it really and truly will never happen, that on this day each year until I die, I will never be handed a card from someone who has half my genetic makeup? I am not sure, however, it feels fantastic to be able to discuss these questions and feel a love for life again.

Writing has helped me in ways I cannot explain. Sharing my story, reading others’ and feeling connected again transformed everything I knew to be true. As the illusion of a normal life’s scaffold fell around me  I was helped, urged and push to write creatively. Even in the darkness I knew I couldn’t leave this world without having left my mark. So here I am. 

I have a scan on April 9th and maybe that will be the last post I ever write about gynaecological issues, then again maybe it won’t. 

I am ready to move on, ready to be myself again. 

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3 thoughts on “Happy No Baby Day

  1. You are an excellent writer. I hope you do that course. This post struck a nerve because I had the same experience and went through much the same need to get to a place out of not having a baby to catharsis, acceptance, and you do, sometimes you may consider it still but mostly you do move on. You seemed to do so very well and I admire you because I know it is not easy. There are many other things aside children in life but of course when denied them, that’s easier said than done. I wish you love in your life and the fulfillment of your art and talent as a writer and motivational speaker (which I feel you are by the upbeat tenor of much of your thinking – inspiring others). HUGS

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you so very much. To say I’ve experienced the strangest five (seven) years of my life is an understatement and somehow I wonder how I made it through. I’m here to help spread the love and joy in the world and that’s ok with me as I am a writer. I write about my experiences and hope by sharing I can connect with others so they know they are not in the struggle alone. I’m glad you found something in this post you liked and I do really appreciate such a wonderful comment. Stop by again, I certainly will be reading more if your work 😊

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  3. I’m sure you know this already, but as you’ve been living through all that you have you’ve always been yourself. You’ve just had a broad spectrum of experiences that have allowed and, probably in a lot of it, forced you to dig deep to find the strength to deal with each of your challenges as they arose.
    I’ve been trying to stop thinking and writing about myself in the contexts of before and after my illness, so when you mention arriving at the finish line and possibly changing the name of your blog I understand, but I also know that there isn’t really a before and after.
    What I see now is more of a continuum along which one facet of ourselves shines stronger and supports all the others as we cope with each challenge.
    What you’ve written tells me I still have a way to travel but I am happy you have overcome so much and are so optimistic about what is ahead of you 💛

    Liked by 1 person

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