I hate compliments

The Irish are fabulous at deflecting compliments and it’s something I picked up during my twelve years there. Whilst I appreciate that I am Totes Amaze-Balls, inevitably my anxiety levels start to rise if I am complimented or praised. I get all weird and bashful which quickly turns to disgust and ridicule. I give everyone the ‘eyebrow’, ignore them or think of some slightly whitty retort – all in all it is not clever on my part. 

The girls at work are forever complimenting me and Ive realised it is because they like me as much as I like them. They are interested in what I say and are happy when I stop to chat. Like all good people in your life they are a reflection of you. I am the queen of compliments, I will stop people in the street, send messages to strangers on the internet and I write good reviews on websites. 

I recently had to hand over some much laboured over work for consideration to my university lecturer and I realised that my fear was not receiving judgement but praise. 

Structured criticism spurs you to do better, allows for growth and gives you something to work towards. I respond to criticism, I need to be constantly criticised … or do I? 

Mr K and I once had an argument as he was annoyed at me for not saying thank you when he told me how beautiful I was. He told me it hurt him when he saw me freeze and say nothing. He asked me if anyone had complimented me before, I just stood there saying nothing and looking blankly at him. ‘I hate compliments’ I finally said, he looked so sad and pulled me to him. He made me promise that if I could not accept the praise that I would at least thank the giver and acknowledge that their compliment came from a place of love and respect for me. 

I remember this today. I submitted a painting and a few words for my friends blog. Mindfump is an enthusiastic talented young man whose blog has entertained me through the winter months and I was so excited to get involved in his #PersonifyMe project where you can illustrate an emotion or feeling, how fabulous! but as the month went on, I started to be overcome with dysmorphic tendencies and as I read and viewed the other submissions I decided not to bother. 

Wanting to yank myself from my funk I decided to do it, submit some art, write a few words and most importantly support my friend who, without knowing, has made me smile and giggle on dark days. Like any masterpiece I set about furiously sketching the wrong thing. Everything was rubbish. I go to work and feel pants, I go to my sisters and try to explain what I’m doing, how can I portray the inside of my mind?? 

The inside of my mind is darker than anyone would expect

My little sister shocks me! Really? Yeah it is. We begin a conversation and soon I am running home to get my paints out. The inside of my mind is not dark or bleak, it is a colourful rainbow of ideas with gold glitter and flowers. Soon the piece is complete. I take a photo and rush back to my sisters and show her. It’s brilliant she tells me, no, no it’s a bit crap … I look up to see her giving me the ‘eyebrow’ ok, ok THANK YOU! She smiles at me and I smile too

I am delighted to support my friend, Please please check out the fantastic writing over at Mindfump and my submission can be found here Personify Me

**Thank you to everyone who reads my blog and offers love and support. Today is a special day for me and I will have more news later **

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7 thoughts on “I hate compliments

  1. Very, very unusually for me (don’t tell anyone whose blogs I follow) I read every single word of your post. I’m still trying to work out why, so don’t ask. What you say doesn’t impact on my life at all, but it still seems … important?
    Can I come back?
    Robert.

    Liked by 1 person

      • My blog is like my mind – they both contain my thoughts. Your blog seems to be the same? Are you sure it’s okay to rummage through your head? Feels kinda … weird … hmm, no, not weird … erm … some other word like that … inappropriate? No. Oh, I don’t know. Am I sure I want to be so open with people I barely know? Why am I doubting myself? What did I start a blog for in the first place?
        Hmm.
        Let me have a think about that over breakfast.
        Until then – enjoy! 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      • Absofreakinglutely! I started this blog to share what I felt and experienced. When my life first started to change I searched for forums and stories of anyone who could even slightly relate. I am open and honest, always; I’m sure you are the same. Enjoy your breakfast

        Like

      • Well in that case – I’m on it like jam and peanut butter on toast. πŸ˜€
        Just one thing – ‘life first started to change’? What’s that about? Oh wait – tell you what – I’ll read about it on your blog. πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

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