Singing is the lesser developed of my creative abilities. Music is a strange one for me as I love sound and dancing but require silence to get through the day. Lyric in song, its tone and message impact me greatly – when I hear something I like I stop in my tracks, play on repeat and absorb it all – I am clairaudient. I realised this when I was very young as I would often hear someone speaking when I was alone. I would wake from my dreams with the words I had heard, the names of places, answers to my homework or like this morning – song lyric.
If I wrote you a love note, and made you smile with every word I wrote, what would you do?
I will have vivid dreams through the night and I will hear sentences or songs that allow me to fully understand my dream meanings. It is the same with my writing; I see the end picture/vision and I hear the words that will accompany. Of late I have written in a very poetic way, this has been since I met a person who I will call Beryl. Beryl inspired a rhythm and sound in me that I have been trying to develop on my own for some time and through our conversations I relax, open up and let it flow. I notice that my writing is carefree and confident. I pursue ideas and creative ventures, I have a new found self assurance that scares me but head high I continue forward – because I have Beryl behind me? no, no, because I knew Beryl.
Summertime think it was June … remembering you … what happened to you?
For the last two weeks I have drifted off to sleep and woken with thoughts about Beryl. Everyday, whether intentional or not, I have obsessed about the meaning of their presence in my life. On some days I have marvelled at the wonders of life, the chaotic beauty of random events, and on others I have wept with the pain of the memory or possibly the realisation that something has occurred that will never be reversed or possibly experienced again. Most days I have cursed upward – it is far easier to blame our creator and those who guide me along as they are the ones who give me the messages.
Carving my initials on your forehead
Beryl is a mineral most commonly found in crystal balls and here I am scrying this individual. I sit opposite, I hear, feel and see it all. We spent our time chatting, trying to understand what had brought us together, what the future would hold for us. Music played softly in the distance, the sound of our voices intertwined, my laughter echoing around. The waves, I can hear the waves, I can hear them now.
One more time, I promise after that I’ll let you go
For the last two weeks I have thought about Beryl from all angles. I miss Beryl. As the week progresses I try not to think of Beryl, I try to focus on myself yet each morning I wake up to a new song. Right before I sleep and as I wake are the two most important times of my day, creatively and intuitively. A few days ago I knew it would come to an end. I woke up to one of my favourite London Grammar songs Hey Now. This song moves me deep inside. I had never really known what the lyrics were as its quite repetitive and it just sounds soooo good so who cares what she’s singing about …. however when a song comes to me in my dream I always read the lyric and delve for meaning
Letters burning by my bed … I can feel my instinct here for you … its frightening, like lightening … Leave it to the wayside, like you do … Hey Now!
WoW! I hear it loud and clear, permeating my soul. I call it a message from above; I realise that morning that I could write about Beryl for the rest of my days and it would make no difference. Beryl does not care for my words. I need to stop psychically reaching out, wanting to connect as Beryl has left me behind. The next morning I hear the words Don’t Go and I smile, I have not heard that song in years…
I don’t know where you come from … I don’t know why you chose me, but as long as you’re here, I don’t need to know
I say thank you to above as I always do. It is time to move on. It has been so beautiful a lesson, a moving on, a continuum, a welcome push in the right direction. I started writing poetry because of Beryl, I welcome mid-summer and the moon of cancer. Life is not grey, it is crystal clear, pink morganite heliodor, emerald, and aquamarine – all shades of beautiful Beryl.
See I swear, I ain’t ever seen a sky so clear, Together we’re gonna make history, Why would you wanna be elsewhere
I am surprisingly joyous after playing the song twenty-eight times. There is something about Beryl that makes me want to write. I think about the collection of stories that I have written over the years about people like Beryl and know that this is the best one. I went to sleep happy last night, wondering what Beryl was up to and excited about the weekend.
Babycakes, you just don’t know
I think about writing the stories out and compiling them together as a book, Beryl is the missing factor I had been waiting for, bringing it all together – I now have my book. I wake up and smile. My lecturer had asked me if I wrote mostly about pain and I knew in my heart that was not true, I write about connection. Pain is part of connection, part of relationship, the flip side, the longing and wanting and rejection. Still smiling I hear another song for Beryl, I hear last summers’ song, a hear the opening bars and I see the waves again.
Maybe we’re helping each other escape
I do not watch TV or listen to much music radio, but luckily I once caught an acoustic performance of this song. I stood in front of my sister’s TV, whilst a beautiful dark blond, white, Rastaman with eyes that cut straight through, sang a song into my heart. Maybe it was the reggae feel, maybe it was because I was so lonely last year, maybe because his song was what I needed to hear, maybe. I wake up and for the first time I watch the music video to Perfect Strangers and my heart stops in my chest as there is Beryl!
We’re only human, maybe we don’t need no reason
Usually I would tell you why everything in this video means something, what the lyrics say, why I think I met Beryl, why I believe in clairaudience, why paths cross, and why Beryl will forever be in my heart; but these are songs for Beryl and Beryl alone. Beryl will watch the music video and be reminded. Beryl was there with me, Beryl knows.
And now I walk in the midday sun … I think you’re Amazing
Beryl told me of a bad experience. I felt the pain, the raw absurdness of the story and I doubt Beryl was over this, maybe that is why it has ended like this. That day we tell each other nothing but truth. This truth makes it way to my heart. It saddens me that Beryl cannot see what I see, but I am changed and I hope Beryl is too. We live for moments like these, connections like these – it does not have to be forever.
This could be the end of everything …
I hope this post makes Beryl happy, that anytime they want, only a click away is the below list of songs that helped me write the finishing and defining chapter of my book. Beryl was once hurt by the words and actions of another and now maybe my words and actions can give some hope.
Nothings gonna bring me down
Beryl was part of the best day of this year, the best day I have had in years. I am so happy. Life is good so lets end with some Paolo Nutini – if this cannot put a smile on your face then I do not know what will! Thank you for reading, I present the songs for Beryl:
Justin Timberlake, Let Me Talk To You/My Love
Jessie Ware, 110
Ariana Grande, One Last Time
London Grammar, Hey Now
Wretch 32, Don’t Go
3 of a Kind, Babycakes
Jonas Blue, Perfect Strangers ft JP Cooper
George Michael, Amazing
Keane, Somewhere Only We Know
Paolo Nutini, Pencil Full of Lead