Dear God, only me again …

Thank you. I upwardly whisper at six am staggering bleary eyed to the bathroom. Only a few hours earlier I had been lying on the cold tiles, crying and writhing around, trying to stop the pain that had woken me from my sleep.

Dear God, help me! From the floor I am unsure whether I need to vomit or ride it out. I start to panic, I cannot miss work, I have a meeting at nine. Flat out on the tiles the coldness soothes me somewhat and I calm down. 

How are you God? After an hour or so I try to walk back to my room, I have a bucket in hand and some Turkish water (Saka is ph neutral) I strike up a conversation with God. We chat often but truthfully, it has been a while. How will I get through this, why is this happening? What can I do to improve this or ensure it doesn’t happen again…. 

God made me stronger than I can fathom. He tells me regularly. He knows I will not give up and provides me with all I need to get by. From the cold bathroom floor to lying awake in bed for hours, to struggling through the day at my desk, to smiling through family functions; God is always there with me. 

Three am clarity. I used to ask Why Me? God always answered: Why Not You? This time I accept the path God has chosen for me. I have only love for my sisters, help for anyone who needs it and comfort for those who struggle. 

Thank you and I Love you. I made it through the night, I will attend my meeting, I have the strength to continue and love in my heart. Today will be a good day.

God Bless

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