AWOL

On Saturday I dreamt that a young, pretty, graduate joined our office. Her role was much the same as mine on paper, however, I do about a hundred more jobs than I was employed for so I left the girl to get on with things. It soon became evident that she did not like me and set about saying nasty things about me to my colleagues. Eva, Sharon and Sangita were appalled, Mirielle and Charlotte begged me to say something. I shrugged it off, I was busy, I didn’t care, I go in to work, not to indulge in office gossip. That night I received a weird notification from Facebook alerting me that someone was doing something to my page. When arrived to work the girl had exposed my private information, had told my Manager that I was some kind of sexually pervasive pest, the whole thing was bizarre to me. I had enough so pulled my Manager, a Jehovah Witness, aside. ‘Is this about the sex thing?’ She asks ‘so you’ve heard’ She looks at me, we get on very well and always have so it shocks me when she says ‘I think you should leave.’ She explains that the new girl is on a special contract and nothing can be done so the company will only look unfavourably at me. I walk back to my desk and know she is right. I’m too good for the place with my honesty and dedication – I don’t fit in, I never do…

That was Saturday and I write this from my bed today, a few days later with the belongings of my desk in a bag on the floor I wonder if it were a premonition or just a sign that I already knew long ago that this job was not serving me. 

I have not been let go, I walked out. I have not done anything wrong but I have had enough. I cannot turn my back on my department however I cannot stay. Today I am absent without leave, or pay. I feel miserable and guilty and anxious. The career house of cards has fallen and I am left exposed, writing my way out, writing to make sense of my life, writing once again is all I seemingly have

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