Please don’t see just a girl caught up in dreams and fantasies
Please see me reaching out for someone I can’t see
I wore a prom dress and the same heels I wore for the previous two attempts. I looked like a beautiful barbie doll. I sip wine and watch him navigate his kitchen confidently. We laugh, hold hands and kiss in between chopping vegetables for the dinner he is cooking me. We touch Desperados, here’s to us – cheers! He presents me with a Mexican feast, music plays in the background.
Take my hand let’s see where we wake up tomorrow
Best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand
He smiles at me and I am happy. After dinner we sit on the sofa side by side getting to know each other. We chat like we have known each other all our lives. This time everything is different. I say that every time but this time it truly is. I feel it. I like him, no anxiety, no questioning myself, just a beautiful feeling and should it end – well, he made me smile…
Who are we? Just a speck of dust within the galaxy?
He’s telling me I’m a bag of cosmic dust, star children … I close my eyes and thank God for bringing him to me. I waited patiently and now here is someone worth waiting for. We are so different yet so alike. I am aware something is happening every moment I am with him. Dinner turns into a lunch. The following week we have carefully selected tea and cake and on another date he makes me cheese on toast and we are a normal couple. Each morning I wake up to his messages, each morning I say thank you to God – no random sequence of events, no science, no coincidence – the hand of God at work.
Turn the page maybe we’ll find a brand new ending
Where we’re dancing in our tears
On his birthday I wear another dress, a sexy black one with lace Swarovski crystal embellished shoes. Before we go for dinner, our first dinner as a couple I cut my hair. I look in the mirror and notice a change – my eyes are filled with happiness and love. My story has a new ending. I start to see a future. He says hello to my parents and prepares to meet my sisters and my friends. I begin to plan a life for myself, for him too if he wants it. This is the beginning of something special.
God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young
It’s hunting season and the lambs are on the run
Searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark?
I remember a dream I had when I were twenty-five … he wouldn’t believe it … he couldn’t believe it but, it is true. I spend so much of my life searching for the meaning of my dreams and maybe here is an answer. If he is a star then I want to be a star, I want to go where he does and light up the darkness. I reached out when I wasn’t sure if anyone was there to take my hand and now he has mine I do not want him to ever let it go.
Lost Stars, the theme tune to my 2017, a song that has carried me through the tears and confusion is from the film Begin Again.