Looking For Love

I walk around singing one of my all time favourite songs because I now know what it means and how she feels….

I thought that love was just a fabrication, a train that wouldn’t stop at my station

A year ago I sat at home and cried. I had to give it up, give up looking; it just wasn’t going to happen to me, so I sucked it up. I would have to get used to it. I didn’t like it but I put my head down, went to work and got through each weekend without leaving the house. Solitary confinement

When we met I was nervous around you, I didn’t know I was looking for love until I found you.

You put me at ease. We flew through the days and weeks. My life transformed from dull, monotonous and forgettable and I looked forward to seeing you or to talking to you at the end of each night. My dreams were full of hope. The future rolled out ahead of me, a life full of possibilities.

Slap on the map of my heart you landed

One night I burst into uncontrollable tears. I could not help it. In the moonlight you held me but no words came out of my mouth. I think you knew and I finally learnt what my heart already did, that I was totally in love with you and there was nothing I could do about it, no going back.

I tried to keep it in, tried to act normal. I did not want to be in love with you, I did not want to be exposed or vulnerable. I did not want to risk my heart or risk you breaking it. Every time you touched me I wondered what would happen. I tried to superglue my lips together, tried to convince myself that I was being silly, juvenile or dramatic. I tried to make a list of things I did not like about you and came up with a doodle on a blank page.

In a world of tears, one consolation

I tried to stop myself, I promise you, I did.

I thought back to all the days spent alone, of the people who let me down or the times I let myself down by going along with relationships that made me unhappy. All the mistakes. All the tears.

And then there was nothing left than the truth that love is truth.

There is one consolation and I have always known. I am in love and no matter what happened before or how sad I have been in the past, it is all worth it to be this happy, this secure, this content and this in love – with you

Now you’re here there’s a full brass band, playing in me like a wonderland

I tell my Mother and my Father. I tell my sisters and my friends. I smile, I feel comfortable, I understand why songs are written. I want to dance, I want to sing but still I don’t want to tell you.

So I wait for signs that you love me too and list them on an invisible notepad: You always hold my hand. You bring me tea in the mornings, you listen to me moan about my job, my shitty friends and how tired I am. You pick me up, collect me, feed me, wash my clothes, plan days out and plan days in the future. You think of music to introduce me to and think of logical ways to help me improve my life. You agree to let me take up space, make a mess and take over. You make me into the best version of me I have ever been. You make me happier than I have ever been.

I didn’t know I was looking for love until I found you … I just didn’t know

It makes you uncomfortable I know it does. I didn’t know when I met you that this would happen. It all just flowed so simply, so beautifully. I thought love was hard. Some tricky fish I tried to catch using the wrong bait with the wrong net and always in the wrong pond. I cannot help it that everyone sees how happy we are or that we are becoming best friends or best lovers and that this is me having the best time of my life.

This is the me how I have always wanted to be; happy

I didn’t know I was looking for love is by Everything But The Girl

8 thoughts on “Looking For Love

  1. I missed your special posts!!! It is so beautiful and I am really happy for you!!! I think this is always good to know that love can be so much more powerful than alll fears and doubts, we could have selected in our past… happy birthday to your new life!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello girl. I just read your post about love and I am glad to know that you are in Love. I particularly like how you expressed yourself in this post. I felt like I was reading an excerpt from a novel at some point. You got me there 🙂

    Love is a good feeling. it is exciting to like someone so much and know that they feel exactly the same. In my opinion dear, you should not have cried when you gave up looking for love. My dear, love is always with you. God’s love is always there for you. Jesus died for our sins 2000 years ago and he still loves us till this very day. He died for us and as if that was not enough, he still said, “if you need anything, ask it in my name and it will be done for you”. That man was an example of real love.

    There are tricks to the trade when dealing with romantic love. One thing you need to realize is that humans are not perfect, therefore although the love may be good, it would not be perfect. Number 2 is that, although two people can be seriously in love, circumstances can still manage to tear them apart. That is where God comes in, God’s love unlike human love is perfect. God also does not ever leave, no circumstance can separate us completely from his love. it is good to always be in God’s love. Even while we are in relationships, we need always put God first, because he can love us in a way that our partners can’t and because he is the ultimate. Putting God first would solidify our relationship with our partner. God teaches virtues like being compassionate, humble, gentle, forgiving etc. He does not only just teach us these, when he gives us the holy spirit, the holy spirit would convict us when we do not follow these rules and it would strive to bring us back to them. When we practice things like being compassionate, gentle, forgiving etc. we would be better partners. When we build a relationship with God, we can also take whatever struggles that are present in our romantic relationships to God in prayer, and trust that he would be willing to help. Whether we pray for our partner to get that new job, or we pray that they get the financial ability to finalize that deal on the new house, God is always willing to listen.

    I do not know whether you have a relationship with God or not. If you do, I am glad you do. However, if you do not, and you are open to the idea of building one, here are my detailed suggestions on how you can do so:

    1. Confession of faith: you need to find a quiet space. Imagine that Jesus is in front of you. Ask him for forgiveness of your past sins and the sins of your ancestors. Ask him to give you the strength to forgive those who have offended you. Honestly, I suggest that you forgive the people who have offended you, because whatever they did to you is now in the past, and upon a confession of Jesus as your Lord, you become a new creation. In addition, God commands that we need to forgive others, before he can forgive us. You can also get a deliverance before your confession of faith. Deliverance will rid you off any ungodly spirits that have taken residence in your body and mind. A pastor with a deliverance anointing should be able to help with this. There are also videos on YouTube, where pastors with a deliverance anointing pray directly for people through the videos. You just need to search “deliverance prayer” in the search bar to reach these videos. Now, you need to tell Jesus that you want him to come and be your lord and personal savior, and surrender to him. You need to know that Jesus died for you. He died on the cross so that you may have a chance at salvation. The minute you give your life to Jesus, you need to know that you can no longer live as you wish, you shall live according to the stipulations in the bible. Believe in your heart that Jesus was risen up from the dead by God, and confess with your mouth that he is the messiah and your personal savior.

    2. Prayers: ask Jesus to bless you with eternal life. Tell him to make a place for you in his heavenly abode. You need to understand that praying for heaven is the best prayer that you can ever pray. Life on earth is so short, you need to be worried about eternal life, which is so much longer. God knows that you need clothes, food, shelter etc. He is your creator and he knows your every need. The bible tells us to pray for eternal life and God would provide our other needs (i.e. clothes, shelter etc.) according to his riches. If there is something bothering you, tell God in prayer, commit it to him and ask him to do it for you. However, bear in mind that this life is temporary and so are the things in this life. When you are praying, the devil will try to disrupt your prayers by bringing sudden disturbances and evil thoughts. An example of an evil thought that the devil tries to use to stop people from praying is by bringing the thought that Jesus is not present and that they are simply wasting their time. Jesus is there with you when you pray. So pray like you mean it. Pray the same way you will if Jesus was right in front of you because he is. You need to understand how prayers work as well. You see, when you pray, God answers prayers. God usually has three answers to prayers Yes, Yes but Wait, and No. God has a reason for every answer that he gives. He loves you and he will make sure that everything works out well for you in the end. When you get a No from God, sometimes it is not because that thing is not good for you at that point in time, but it may be because God is trying to draw your attention to something that you are doing wrong in your life. When you get a No from God, you need to evaluate yourself, what is the motive of your prayer? is it pure? Is it Godly? Is there an area of sin in your life that you need to work on? When you reflect on these things and you find something in yourself lacking, try to fix it. When God says Yes to prayers and sends you his blessings, trust me, there are spiritual forces of the devil in high places that work against people so that their blessings from God would not reach them. You need to pray against these spiritual forces. Rebuke them by the power and the name of Jesus. This way, your blessings would be able to reach you. Lastly, some people pray lazy prayers. For example, someone might pray for a job, without actually applying to any. God does not reward laziness. When you are praying for something, you need to be putting some work in as well. God rewards hard-work and we ought to strive to be hardworking. God’s role is to direct, bless, and make your path clear. However, bear in mind that sometimes God answers even lazy prayers and gives us undeserved blessings, that shows you the power of his love. He would always be with you. You need to make sure that you are close to God in prayer. Do not cease to tell him about what you are struggling with. If you are struggling with sins of the flesh that you believe are hindering your spiritual growth, you need to make sure that you tell God. Make sure that you pray for an increment in faith. Faith is important, you need to have faith in God. When we pray, we need to have faith, God does not like it when we doubt his ability to provide us with what we want, he is mighty and nothing is impossible with him. When you are low in faith, pray to God for an increment in faith. Remember to pray for your family, your city, your country and the world in fact, no prayers are too big for God. Pray that unsaved people would be saved. Pray for your non-Christian family members, pray that they see the light and become saved. When you pray, make sure that you take care of sins. The bible says that we need to forgive others if we want our sins to be forgiven. Make sure you forgive others, ask for forgiveness of your sins first before praying. Sins can block your prayers from getting to God. Try to avoid sin, but pray for forgiveness of sins everyday, because sometimes, we are not aware of the sins that we are committing. When you get answers to your prayers, remember to thank God.

    3. The Bible: You need to make sure that you are reading the bible and that you are obeying it. I suggest you begin with the New Testament because the coming of Jesus changed many of the things that were practised before. However, bear in mind that the old testament is also important. You can find free bible apps on google play. You can also find free bibles online. The New Living Translation is an easy to read bible version. However, the most popular one is the King James Version.

    4. Hearing from God: Trust me, God would speak to you. He would speak to you through dreams. Through people, through situations, through the bible and so much more. You need to practice and perfect the art of hearing God’s voice. Dreams contain a lot of symbolism. When you possess an avid knowledge of what the bible says, you would understand the biblical meaning of all the symbols in your dreams. However, for now, you can search online bible dream dictionaries for the meaning of things you see in your dream. You also need to know that although there are general meanings for some symbols, some interpretations are based on context. Take context into account. God does communicate via dreams. Sometimes, you might be asking God for direction on something. Pay attention to the words all around you during this time i.e, the things people say, words you see when reading the bible etc. Sometimes you might even just turn on your TV and the TV anchor would say something that directly relates to what you are going through. Pay attention to these things. You would know it is God’s voice when whatever is said is not in contradiction to the bible and God’s nature. If it is in contradiction then it might just be something random that popped up. As you practise the art of listening and hearing, God might give you the gift of seeing visions or the gift of hearing an inner voice, and take you to deeper depths of hearing.

    5. Fasting: fasting is an effective way to get God’s attention. Fasting is a way to spend time with him. You deprive yourself of food because what you seek for is more than food. There are different types of fasting, and you need to plan what works for you. There is the:

    A. Avoidance fasting: This is a fasting form where you avoid something that you cannot do without i.e. Coffee.

    B. Daniel’s fast: In this sort of fasting, you only eat fruit and vegetables and drink water. You do not eat anything cooked or anything other than fruits and vegetables.

    C. Water fast: In this sort of fasting, you do not eat anything, you only drink water. No food, just water.

    D. Total fast: In this sort of fasting, you do not eat or drink anything. You do not drink even water.

    Make sure that you work out what works for you. You can pray to God for directions on the timing of the fasting to follow. However, as a general time-frame, on fasting days, many Christians fast from 6am to 6pm. Many Christians also use those moments when they feel hungry/ feel cravings as prompts to pray. You need to have increased prayers during fasting periods.

    6. Temptations: When you believe in Jesus. Trust me, the devil sometimes would throw trials and tribulations into your life, the goal of this is to get you to denounce your faith. The goal is to frustrate you. You need to pray and fast when trials and tribulations strike. God would never leave you or forsake you. He would be with you and with God, you will overcome this if it ever happens.

    7. Spreading the gospel: Now that you know the truth, you are chosen. It is now your duty to share the truth in the bible with others. Make sure that you save people from falling prey to Satan’s tactics. You need to join the fight to depopulate the devil’s camp, while populating God’s kingdom. With spreading the gospel, do not feel the need to finish reading the whole bible before you begin. You can teach people the little you know.

    8. Read: There is a lot of material out there. There are ministers of God who have practised for about 40 years. These people have a lot of stories about their ministry. Some of them have the gift to heal others, others see visions, some of them hear God’s voice. Many of these people have written books about how they accomplished what they have accomplished, and how they got their gift. Buy these books and read them. If you do not have money, some of these ministers have shared their stories for free on YouTube, take advantage of that.

    9: Reform yourself: begin to watch Christian movies and listen to Christian music. Make sure that your thoughts, actions, and words are in obedience to the word of God. Make sure that you are not doing anything sinful in your thoughts, actions or words. Refine your world, the space around you, the things you see and hear, make it all about God. You can also join a community of bible believing Christians. However, I need to tell you that there is sectarianism in the religion. Do not pay attention to sectarianism, pay attention to the bible. The bible is your authority. If a church seems to have too much sectarianism issue going on, if they are more focused on promoting their denomination than promoting God and the word in his bible, you need to stop going there. Get a water baptism, and pray so that God would baptise you in the holy spirit.

    (I know I have written this list in the order of 1 to 9. It is crucial that you begin with Step 1. Prayers are something that you need to do constantly, so is bible study, hearing from God and reforming yourself. However, you can start small with fasting and spreading the gospel. You can start by preaching to your family members in the beginning phase of spreading the gospel, but you need to expand on these over time. I know this list seems long and all these seem deep, but trust me, you would blend into it so easily and it would become second nature to you. Pray to God to make all of these easy for you, and he will. The devil would try to trick you into believing that God’s standards are too high and that you would never overcome sin, when in actuality, you can. So therefore, pray to God and believe and he would help you overcome sin).

    If you ever backslide and fall back into sin again while trying to follow God’s word. You need to ask him to forgive you and try to get back on track.

    If you have any questions, feel free to let me know. If you need to talk, I am here for you. God bless you. Have a blessed day 🙂


      • I know and have a good relationship with God however your message is full on for most. You are here to spread a message but you can do it slowly and in small ways. Be happy in your love and devotion to God, spread the word that moves you but do not tell anyone how to be, some are not ready, especially if they have never encountered you before.
        Encourage readers to your site and be happy with your message x

        Liked by 1 person

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