I walk around singing one of my all time favourite songs because I now know what it means and how she feels….
I thought that love was just a fabrication, a train that wouldn’t stop at my station
A year ago I sat at home and cried. I had to give it up, give up looking; it just wasn’t going to happen to me, so I sucked it up. I would have to get used to it. I didn’t like it but I put my head down, went to work and got through each weekend without leaving the house. Solitary confinement
When we met I was nervous around you, I didn’t know I was looking for love until I found you.
You put me at ease. We flew through the days and weeks. My life transformed from dull, monotonous and forgettable and I looked forward to seeing you or to talking to you at the end of each night. My dreams were full of hope. The future rolled out ahead of me, a life full of possibilities.
Slap on the map of my heart you landed
One night I burst into uncontrollable tears. I could not help it. In the moonlight you held me but no words came out of my mouth. I think you knew and I finally learnt what my heart already did, that I was totally in love with you and there was nothing I could do about it, no going back.
I tried to keep it in, tried to act normal. I did not want to be in love with you, I did not want to be exposed or vulnerable. I did not want to risk my heart or risk you breaking it. Every time you touched me I wondered what would happen. I tried to superglue my lips together, tried to convince myself that I was being silly, juvenile or dramatic. I tried to make a list of things I did not like about you and came up with a doodle on a blank page.
In a world of tears, one consolation
I tried to stop myself, I promise you, I did.
I thought back to all the days spent alone, of the people who let me down or the times I let myself down by going along with relationships that made me unhappy. All the mistakes. All the tears.
And then there was nothing left than the truth that love is truth.
There is one consolation and I have always known. I am in love and no matter what happened before or how sad I have been in the past, it is all worth it to be this happy, this secure, this content and this in love – with you
Now you’re here there’s a full brass band, playing in me like a wonderland
I tell my Mother and my Father. I tell my sisters and my friends. I smile, I feel comfortable, I understand why songs are written. I want to dance, I want to sing but still I don’t want to tell you.
So I wait for signs that you love me too and list them on an invisible notepad: You always hold my hand. You bring me tea in the mornings, you listen to me moan about my job, my shitty friends and how tired I am. You pick me up, collect me, feed me, wash my clothes, plan days out and plan days in the future. You think of music to introduce me to and think of logical ways to help me improve my life. You agree to let me take up space, make a mess and take over. You make me into the best version of me I have ever been. You make me happier than I have ever been.
I didn’t know I was looking for love until I found you … I just didn’t know
It makes you uncomfortable I know it does. I didn’t know when I met you that this would happen. It all just flowed so simply, so beautifully. I thought love was hard. Some tricky fish I tried to catch using the wrong bait with the wrong net and always in the wrong pond. I cannot help it that everyone sees how happy we are or that we are becoming best friends or best lovers and that this is me having the best time of my life.
This is the me how I have always wanted to be; happy
I didn’t know I was looking for love is by Everything But The Girl