At 03.30 I awoke abruptly from my sleep deeply annoyed by messages that had been sent to me from my Manager the previous day. She had sent me several emotional freedom technique email links and as I read through her attempts to ‘help’ me I realized how little she knew about me. At our last meeting, as I started to pack away my things and leave she had commented on the color and style of my nails and asked me how an artist could wear black everyday, I responded that I didn’t, only at work. This same week Helen had commented that she would attempt to bring the two sides of me closer together. My formal side with the wilder, freer, more bohemian side.
This really annoys me. I do not like this duality. I do not perceive myself as all or nothing, colorful or dull, or worse, that some know me fully and others only have half the picture. Helen can see the two sides of me because I tell her, my manager cannot because I do not. How do I give out the right amount of me?
I feel an impending sense of finding my true self, finding out who I really am. I’ve no idea how this could be or why or if there is much point but it would be nice to be more colorful, live life more like me instead of worrying about what other people see.