It is 3pm on the friday of the last Bank Holiday Weekend of the year (excluding Christmas). This is a time of year I usually cover myself in body paint and glitter and dance under the sun, moon and stars at festivals and the Notting Hill Carnival. This time of year is booked annually for exclusive bonding with CC. It is Girls Only and sacred, a tradition that could only be broken by … er … a pandemic! Do not worry, CC and I have long come to terms that we are NOT together this weekend and reminisce sharing photo’s and videos. It’s raining anyway. I’m in long sleeves and jeans. Like everything else this summer having fun has been cancelled. Whatever, I am so over everything right now (dramatic eyeroll).
It is hammering down and if you grew up in the UK torrential rain on summer days are normal. You stay inside, order something carb-heavy laden with cheese and cuddle up on the sofa. Okay, I can do that. I am here with my family, I can roll with it. I get snacks, I get comfy, then my eight year old nephew informs me that there is a Roblox ‘event’ and I must leave the living room. Ugh! This is my life, I feel like I am twelve years old!
Like a twelve year old I am bored in my bedroom looking out at the falling rain and like a twelve year old my bored mind drifts to boys every five seconds. But, I am not twelve and I am done with the boys and wonder where the men are? Last night my phone rang and it was Black Jack. “Can you not go a week without me?” I ask him. “Nah” he replies laughing. Shame he doesn’t realise that I won’t be answering the phone again. I said I’m done with boys. Done.
I went out on Monday, yes I kept that quiet, I did because although it seemingly went well I somehow ended up scaring him off. It were so bad I contemplated writing another An Idiot Goes to Dinner post which clearly demonstrates I am really not very good at this at all. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I have Disney Dollars on Blue returning. He was my best date ever, EVER, which is funny as Mr K thinks that he was my best date but he wasn’t. Blue is clever, funny, mysterious, sexy and has a ferocious appetite. He has manners and normal friends and family. He listens to great music and can hold a conversation; He is my ideal man (apart from supporting my rival football team). He is not my ideal husband, I don’t know him well enough and husband status comes with best friend status and only one man I know has best friend status with me. (My future husband has A LOT to live up to!) Anyway back to Blue, I always go back to Blue, always dreaming of that second chance; I know, I know, I am mentally twelve years old.
As I said I am done. All dating apps deleted as I decide to wait until I am back outside in the real world. In a school-girl fantasy I will catch the eye of some hot Suit and start up a cheeky flirtation. This is great as in the next few weeks I must travel to South London to collect a laptop. I like this little scenario. I am miles from London so lots of opportunities to catch an eye and get a phone number. I laugh to myself, I want to hug myself or give myself a high five. Before this year I would’ve cried to think I have been single for five years and thought nihilistically about my future, but I know and you know it will happen one day.
The idiot goes to dinner posts were my efforts at dating in 2016-2018. I’ve had several dinners since then but I wasn’t searching for meaning and I am not an idiot, I were enjoying my dinner without stress or anxiety. I’ve been lucky. I have best friends who have taken me out and looked after me, made my life less lonely. That’s how I know it will be alright. Who need boys to mess around with when you have friends? And really who is ever bored when they have a blog?
The sun peaks out from behind the clouds. It is almost dinner time, did somebody say … yes they did, its time to eat. What am I having? Anything carb-heavy and laden with cheese, or maybe sweet and sour sauce…
~ I no longer sing Lost Stars by Adam Levine however Begin Again is currently available on Netflix. Later I will grab a bag of cheesey poofs, a pint of B&J’s and watch it again, you should too. Enjoy your weekend ~