I wake up around 3am with a smile on my face. Life is good. I am super busy at work, I continue with my volunteering and moving home gives me new domestic chores to focus on.
I have never been happier but yesterday proved that I am no Wonder Woman as I attempted to cook, clean, work, wash clothes, Zoom and volunteer with the online youth club! Exhausted I crawl up the stairs to bed, a total emotional wreck, before being saved by Michelangelo’s cuddles.
It has all happened quite quickly. I have gone from unemployed to employee of the month, self-care to ensuring the well-being of a weekly online coffee zoom club and returned to deliver my art workshop with youth services. I also entered into the new (and fabulous) realm of Girlfriend status (masquerading as somewhat of a domestic goddess).
After a year off work, seven months without volunteering and several years without a man in my life it is fair to say that life is very different. Luckily, I too am different, I am extremely resilient.
After years of pain, heartache, loneliness, anxiety, confusion and insecurity, I finally find myself calm, collected and in control. I pause to reflect on what has changed and I realise:
- It is about letting go.
- It is not worrying about that which you do not control.
- It is about having fun and being grateful; and, I think most importantly
- it is about being ok with getting it wrong and loving yourself for trying.
I am tested everyday. I was late to my online team meeting, the Zoom link did not work, my art prototypes were not dry and I forgot to buy potatoes so dinner was an hour late! On top of that I woke up ready to tell you all about my day but somehow the message deleted.
But, I did not lose my shit (and even if I had that would’ve been ok.) Instead I exhale, decide whether it is worth typing out again and smile as I realise yes, yes it is.