Invisible Illness #3

I took Diazepam for the first time in a few months. I had been sitting staring at my laptop with my head in my hands since I opened it at 07.30. I was feeling completely lost and unable to cope when I asked myself, why must I struggle? Last night I watched a documentary on…

Invisible Illness #2

It is 04.30 and I woke up in pain. My horrible dream leaves me as I forget it instantly which is perfectly ok with me. They are mostly horrible dreams these days now anyway. It got so bad last month that I began crying every night before bed. Imagine! Me, the daughter of Somnus and…

Invisible Illness #1

Fed up with misdiagnosing myself, I’ll call this series of posts invisible illness as the truth is, that is what I have. It’s been seven years since I started this blog not knowing what was wrong and over a decade since I was admitted to hospital and investigations began. I think it’s fair to say…

The New Meds

I ask for duloxetine. I know I will be anxious whilst I wait for the biopsy and results and I need something for the pain. I remember this worked for me once before. They do not question me but put me on a low dose. For the first few weeks I am sleepy, spaced out…

Two Biopsies, Two Weeks Off

I go to sleep without taking pain relief and I am woken a few hours later. I writhe around a little before succumbing and swallowing 30mgs of codeine. It’ll knock me out soon so I’ll let you know what’s been going on. I’ve been in increasing pain all year. A cyst has been growing on…

Fem Feels … on walking home alone

I have been awake since three am thinking about women. Fifty-five minutes staring into the darkness. I know I must get this out before I can rest again. Yesterday at work we were debriefed on our position on the Sarah Everard case. My colleagues along with the rest of the country had mixed feelings. We…

Tumour-umour

A few years ago a long, thin object hurtled into our atmosphere from outside the galaxy. The scientist scratched their heads. Neither comet or asteroid in style, this interstellar phenomenon was dismissed. I received my scan results back yesterday. I have ‘something’ it’s not quite an Adenomyosis not quite thickened endometrium. It’s my own Oumuamua.…

I found a lump

If I take my right hand and place it beside my belly button, my thumb is directly above a black cystic mass that is benign. Beneath my middle finger, a gobstopper sized cyst, floats around, suspended from my right ovary. Another smaller cyst bops balloon-like beside it. Their bumping makes them twist and contort, causing…

Sad Mouth #4

Last year when my umbilicus was bad, my back tooth also began to hurt. I made an appointment to visit my dentist who could not find anything irregular except for a tiny hole. This has happened a few times before over the years so I brushed it off as my mouth/teeth are my Achillies heel,…