Sharp September Pencils

I sank half a bottle of wine last night when I should’ve taken a sedative and I’ve woken up anxious. It’s all getting too much for me. My birthday looms and I’m hit with a sudden insecurity as my nephew returns to school and for the first September in my life I am (still) unemployed.…

I am not your cheerleader

The time finally came for me to sit the most important interview of my life. I felt as though I was a contestant on X Factor about to sit eye to eye with Simon Cowell himself. I’d risen early. I looked beautiful and confident. Neon sticky notes with Experience, Integrity and Honesty we’re stuck to…

Mind-Jelly

This week my brain became jelly as the pressure pushed past the point of anxiety. Tonight I eye the small white pills on the side table. Last night, a crying formless heap on someone else’s toilet floor. Puffy-faced mess I pray for no more. Lose my iPad, misplace my purse, miss the train home. No…

The monkey business that is psychosis

It’s 04.15. I’m sure I’ve only slept for a couple of hours. I can’t tell if the pain in my head is tiredness, dehydration or stress. I fell asleep crying, the pain was that bad. What is happening to me? It’s been two weeks since I had any company. The only person to visit me…

Someone … anyone ..

I had a panic attack for the first time in years. It was a full on panic, not one of those that I can stop with music or deep breathing. It was so bad that I’m in bed with a pain in my head. I doubled over. I feel sick. I was strangely contorted and…