Invisible Illness #3

I took Diazepam for the first time in a few months. I had been sitting staring at my laptop with my head in my hands since I opened it at 07.30. I was feeling completely lost and unable to cope when I asked myself, why must I struggle? Last night I watched a documentary on…

White Isle Whispers

This is the third May that I stay home. To be fair this May and the last were during a lockdown so I couldn’t leave the country even if I wanted to, but still, being grounded and not visiting my favourite place takes it toll, and as we enter Gemini season I see how my…

Invisible Illness #2

It is 04.30 and I woke up in pain. My horrible dream leaves me as I forget it instantly which is perfectly ok with me. They are mostly horrible dreams these days now anyway. It got so bad last month that I began crying every night before bed. Imagine! Me, the daughter of Somnus and…

The affair dream revisited

I go back to amend the affair dream and wake up with a cracking headache at 06.20. I watch the wife following the nanny around with her friend, the local kids shouting at her and the husband going for a ‘run’ whilst she walks in the park. It’s not her fault. The teenager gets a…

The dream with the horrible foot soldiers

I’m not sure I can go back to sleep. Having spent the last couple of hours asleep and dreaming I am battling evil super soldiers who do not get hurt. I’m done. I can feel them, their robotic hands around my neck, the blackness of everything. I’m terrified. It was almost futuristic, the horrible dreams…

The dreams with the horrible pie-making contest

Warning: Contains horrible nightmarish scenes and lots of confused ramblings Every night for weeks it’s been bad dream after bad dream and when I say bad dream, I mean dreams, plural. My broken sleep pattern still enables me to have multiple dreams each night. They are the absolute WORST dreams I have experienced in years.…

The dreams in the horrible lost city

I hate this place. Over the years I’ve been brought here several times and it’s eerie silence scares me. On reflection it’s simply a derelict city full of giant buildings and marble carved statues. Once I walked along a white marble road. I was high up and could only see the skyline; sand to the…

The New Meds

I ask for duloxetine. I know I will be anxious whilst I wait for the biopsy and results and I need something for the pain. I remember this worked for me once before. They do not question me but put me on a low dose. For the first few weeks I am sleepy, spaced out…