MMX – MMXIX

On the third of January 2010 SK drove us back from Belfast international and announced he wanted to go on a break. I nodded, nothing was dramatic. There were no tears, no begging, no pleading. I started back in full time education that same month, in England. At first I lived in Ireland four days…

Can’t get the stink off

I woke up so fucking happy yesterday morning. Smiling, I gave thanks to God, put my palms together, crossed my legs and started to breathe deeply. Everything was pathetically wonderful but within a few hours I had plummeted and was almost inconsolable. It began with a call to inform me that I would be taken…

Tea & Talk 2019

Yesterday was World Mental Health Day and to celebrate MBeeBee and I attended a tea and talk to raise money and awareness of MH issues. The company’s mental health network had arranged a lovely informal gathering where we could spend a few hours ‘nattering’ about anything. There were handouts on the tables, leaflets, a quiz…

500

Thank you Rain Coast Review for becoming my 500th follower! I am especially proud of this number as I have never sought out followers or promoted my little blog. I like to write, I write to help me understand myself and feel better so I thank everyone who takes time to read my work. Am…

Shooting Pain

Starting yesterday and annoying me today. Shooting pains. I check my umbilicus, it seems ok but the pain does not go away. I have a drink. It still hurts. It gets on my nerves. I’m up late worrying. There is nothing I can do. Time for bed. Cross my fingers. Hope to not die. Hope…

The thing about the fistula..

This is the worst one. It’s not the most painful one but it’s really bringing me down. My swollen bulbous belly button is now split open red raw skin. I’m flat on my back and I’m fed up. On Friday I saw my GP it was our last meeting as I’m transferring to a new…

Luna Eclipse

I haven’t slept through the night since last week and before that – oh I’ve lost count! I’m making myself crazy wondering if it’s my hormones, stress at work or something else. Tonight there is a full moon, actually a full Luna eclipse. I have to step outside my apartment to see it. Yesterday’s big…

The Pretty Coffin

For the first time in years I feel disconnected from everything. Now that I have my own pretty little box to live in I begin to feel the shutters coming down around me and I suspect living alone is going to kill me. I look around my room, it’s lovely; a dove-grey Chesterfield wingback sleigh…

Something it’s not

My hearts breaking point has always been the exact moment when I realise that we are something which we are not. I notice a pattern, this heartbreak always seems to happen around the end of June and in true cancer style, the warmth, love and affection I had been receiving will turn glacier ice cold.…

Number 3, Creativity

It’s 03:13, I awoke at 01:33 and at 01:55 I knew something had to change (5 being the numerological number of change). My hormones are ‘up’ well I say up but most likely they are down because I’m on fire, I’m sweaty and I’m flushing. After five days leave I return to work as stressed…