White Isle Whispers

This is the third May that I stay home. To be fair this May and the last were during a lockdown so I couldn’t leave the country even if I wanted to, but still, being grounded and not visiting my favourite place takes it toll, and as we enter Gemini season I see how my…

Running into Open Arms

It’s been a funny few months. I started the year blissfully happy, loved up and without a care in the world. Then it all became too real and I found myself overwhelmed, stretched thinly and wondering how I got here. After the drought of unemployment, single life and isolation I was catapulted into a challenging…

Past my bedtime

I have a panic attack at six am. I’ve been up for hours and I cannot find answers to my problems. It’s way past my bedtime. Every day the same through the hours. Watching time slowly slips away, into a new day. Over tired, wired. I no longer care and collapse into a ball sobbing;…

The dream with the wrong shoes

I’m on the monorail slowly heading around the London skyline. I’m dressed up and with my lover, his best friend and his girlfriend. We are smiley and happy as we look out at the setting sun. It is warm outside. I’m in a very fancy, very expensive designer dress and I’m cautious of not scuffing…

Lots of frustrating dreams

I became instantly depressed after an emergency biopsy on Thursday, my fourth one in almost ten years. I feel lost, alone, unheard, pathetic, disregarded; broken. Bed-bound I sleep and sleep and sleep. Morpheus visits me. I cannot make sense of the drug-addled riddles until this morning . I dream I am travelling by boat, no,…

Fem Feels … on walking home alone

I have been awake since three am thinking about women. Fifty-five minutes staring into the darkness. I know I must get this out before I can rest again. Yesterday at work we were debriefed on our position on the Sarah Everard case. My colleagues along with the rest of the country had mixed feelings. We…

Tumour-umour

A few years ago a long, thin object hurtled into our atmosphere from outside the galaxy. The scientist scratched their heads. Neither comet or asteroid in style, this interstellar phenomenon was dismissed. I received my scan results back yesterday. I have ‘something’ it’s not quite an Adenomyosis not quite thickened endometrium. It’s my own Oumuamua.…

I found a lump

If I take my right hand and place it beside my belly button, my thumb is directly above a black cystic mass that is benign. Beneath my middle finger, a gobstopper sized cyst, floats around, suspended from my right ovary. Another smaller cyst bops balloon-like beside it. Their bumping makes them twist and contort, causing…

Sad Mouth #4

Last year when my umbilicus was bad, my back tooth also began to hurt. I made an appointment to visit my dentist who could not find anything irregular except for a tiny hole. This has happened a few times before over the years so I brushed it off as my mouth/teeth are my Achillies heel,…