The Big Thank You

I’m up late listening to emotive music, drinking wine and wondering if I’ll continue this practice of staying up late thinking (and drinking ) for much longer? I don’t know. I ponder whether this is a creative outlet, an inability to sleep or simply part of my routine? The last few weeks have been so…

Death of a friend

The news of the death hits me a few days after I hear it. Instantly something feels different, life is changed somehow. On Monday evening I am stoic, ‘I’m ok, I’m fine’ I tell my friends, but, I cannot sleep, awake through the hours and calling in sick the next day. Tuesday is a blur.…

The Moon in the last degrees of Aquarius

The moon is looking at me in it’s waning gibbous state. I eyeball it suspiciously as have given my last six weeks to humanitarian causes, but, I am feeling different tonight, I want to enjoy myself. For weeks I have dealt with the lives of others, working long hours and volunteering on my days off.…

The Bank Holiday Weekend

It’s 23:23, I’m awake and need to communicate. Two years ago today I was with my Irish best friend in a hotel, having spent the day at a festival, our delightful annual treat. I would tell her how much I loved her, how much I missed her and we would smile as we fell asleep,…

Awake at 4am

Not ‘kinda awake’ but fully awake at 4am I begin to search for reasons why. Over the last several months work has been boring, uninspiring and monotonous, so I applied for a secondment and I was sky rocketed back into my needs, wants and desires. Over the last two weeks excitement has propelled me forward…

White Isle Whispers

This is the third May that I stay home. To be fair this May and the last were during a lockdown so I couldn’t leave the country even if I wanted to, but still, being grounded and not visiting my favourite place takes it toll, and as we enter Gemini season I see how my…

Running into Open Arms

It’s been a funny few months. I started the year blissfully happy, loved up and without a care in the world. Then it all became too real and I found myself overwhelmed, stretched thinly and wondering how I got here. After the drought of unemployment, single life and isolation I was catapulted into a challenging…

Past my bedtime

I have a panic attack at six am. I’ve been up for hours and I cannot find answers to my problems. It’s way past my bedtime. Every day the same through the hours. Watching time slowly slips away, into a new day. Over tired, wired. I no longer care and collapse into a ball sobbing;…