I once dropped my bags in the middle of a large shopping mall and ran out. I left my coat behind too. As I stood outside hyperventilating, gulping down icy cold breaths, a second panic came over me that I would be arrested for terrorism for leaving my bags unattended. Rigid with fear I…
I cry on the station platform. I’m tired, over tired. We went to bed late then woke abruptly when a pillow fell out of the bed knocking a bottle of beer over scaring us. He smashes the light on and yells at me. I sit up as he moves past me and flinch. Fear engulfs…
I am crying on the station platform. I am off to have another pointless appointment at hospital. As always I am alone and there is no one to hold my hand or tell me everything will be ok. I will sit in the Oncology waiting room with the other women who have mysterious cells and…
The best parts of my character diminish before your very eyes the minute I talk about feelings. For all my intelligence, logic, rationale and reasoning I lose credibility within the first few sentences as no one and I mean no one likes to talk about feelings. I did not understand this phenomena until I discovered…
I’m home about a month now and slowly I’ve changed my apartment around. It’s gone from functional home for me and the cats to bright, airy, modern workspace for a single girl. I’ve had a fortunate, wonderful, yet memorable lockdown. The cats departure aside, I’ve overcome insomnia, spent time in my family love-bubble and had…
The time finally came for me to sit the most important interview of my life. I felt as though I was a contestant on X Factor about to sit eye to eye with Simon Cowell himself. I’d risen early. I looked beautiful and confident. Neon sticky notes with Experience, Integrity and Honesty we’re stuck to…
This week my brain became jelly as the pressure pushed past the point of anxiety. Tonight I eye the small white pills on the side table. Last night, a crying formless heap on someone else’s toilet floor. Puffy-faced mess I pray for no more. Lose my iPad, misplace my purse, miss the train home. No…
It’s 04.15. I’m sure I’ve only slept for a couple of hours. I can’t tell if the pain in my head is tiredness, dehydration or stress. I fell asleep crying, the pain was that bad. What is happening to me? It’s been two weeks since I had any company. The only person to visit me…
I had a panic attack for the first time in years. It was a full on panic, not one of those that I can stop with music or deep breathing. It was so bad that I’m in bed with a pain in my head. I doubled over. I feel sick. I was strangely contorted and…
I woke up at 05.11 without memorable dream, that happens sometimes. I chart my mood upon waking noticing it’s been a while since I performed my daily gratitude ritual. It’s not that I’ve nothing to be grateful for, on the contrary, it’s just on the days I was grateful I was GRATEFUL. Nine weeks ago…
Fem Feelings 