Hypothalamic Amenorrhea (post 80/103)

On the 29th November 2019 I was up at three am googling, searching for clues on when I would die of uterine cancer. My menstrual health was good, umbilicus good, mental state and menopausal symptoms all cool except the vaginal dryness which was new and brought on by low progesterone. I have a dry, barren…

Umbilicus Update #14.3

No matter how hard I try to forget about the past or busy myself with fun things August is always the shittiest month of the year. I start so well. The sun shines, the dresses and the heels come out and I sip gin in beer gardens. I don’t think about it, it just happens.…

Alternative Medicine

August has not been kind to me, it never is. My umbilicus has ruptured three times this month and my mood dipped around the anniversary of my hospitalisation. I wake up at 3am; my body on FIRE, drenched in sweat and tangled in soaked blankets. In the mornings I feel dizzy, disorientated and hot, often…

Umbilicus Update #14

No pain (29.07.20) Sat minding my own business when my thoughts are interrupted by a repulsive smell. I discover I’m weeping Saline and gauze treatment Sharp shooting darts (30.07.20) more annoying than painful Continue saline and gauze treatment. No obvious weeping (01.08.20) Update – After strenuous bouncing weeping (07.08.20) I was discharged from oncology over…

Umbilicus Update #12

I tried to pretend it wasn’t happening and in a way it isn’t, as it is different from all the other times. It began at the start of the week when I could feel a slight stickiness and then a scent that forced me to bathe three times in one day. By midweek I’d felt…

Umbilicus Update#11

Unbelievable. I try to shrug it off as it cannot be happening. I am imagining the shooting pain deep in my umbilicus causing me to take short sharp intakes of breath. A while later I spot a pale pink dot and I know something is up. This was three days ago and I double over…

Psychosomatic Shock

No one kissed me in my dreams last night. I wake up and I ask myself how I feel and I’m alright. I don’t cry. I feel kinda normal. Sonny & Cher on the radio, it’s Groundhog Day and I’m bored again . A few weeks ago I called Helen and made an appointment. I…

Bye bye belly button

I went to bed with a large plaster across my midriff. The growing nodule within my umbilicus burst sometime within the last hour. It’s 04.02. I’ve now finished cleaning up the blood and guts. My room smells of death and decay; I feel physically sick. I do not like the sight of blood or the…

Lil ole me – Umbilicus Update #10

I clench and unclench my jaw all day. Last night I tried to pacify myself by watching Gilmore Girls as it soothes and distracts my stressed self. We have been asked to keep calm and stay at home so this we must do. Yesterday I was dragged out to the pub by Preeti before the…