An Arty Farty Idea Revisited

In May 2017 I excitedly wrote that I had an idea I wanted to try out. Four years later, the idea remains as does a crippling fear that I cannot make it happen. In the last post I claim to make art that made me happy, but, the truth is, I am searching for something…

Roses & Abstract BodyArt

I dream I am setting up at a summer fete. we have a pitch that is quite far from the main attractions, slightly overgrown and weedy. It is both inside a shed and the open space in front – it is like a weird allotment space. My Dad starts to tell me where things should…

The dream with the citrine quartz

I am dreaming something miserable. I am walking alone, bereft, depressed in a grey world. I board a bus, it is going towards London. I see a snowflake from the window and as the bus turns a corner, glassy bright Christmas market lights. It is late but I alight and head to Fenwicks before it…

Invisible Illness #3

I took Diazepam for the first time in a few months. I had been sitting staring at my laptop with my head in my hands since I opened it at 07.30. I was feeling completely lost and unable to cope when I asked myself, why must I struggle? Last night I watched a documentary on…

The dream with the uni papers

For the second night in a row I dream about being at university. I have been heard loudly expressing my desires to gain a PhD or MPhil and download the digital prospectus from Goldsmiths University. My desires are not without their concerns. On Sunday, I dream that I am trapped in a labyrinth of dark,…

White Isle Whispers

This is the third May that I stay home. To be fair this May and the last were during a lockdown so I couldn’t leave the country even if I wanted to, but still, being grounded and not visiting my favourite place takes it toll, and as we enter Gemini season I see how my…

Invisible Illness #2

It is 04.30 and I woke up in pain. My horrible dream leaves me as I forget it instantly which is perfectly ok with me. They are mostly horrible dreams these days now anyway. It got so bad last month that I began crying every night before bed. Imagine! Me, the daughter of Somnus and…

Invisible Illness #1

Fed up with misdiagnosing myself, I’ll call this series of posts invisible illness as the truth is, that is what I have. It’s been seven years since I started this blog not knowing what was wrong and over a decade since I was admitted to hospital and investigations began. I think it’s fair to say…