Obre los Ojos

A few weeks ago I was Jesus shamed for my beliefs. I had casually asked a coworker which astrological star sign she was when she held up her palm to my face and said ‘I don’t believe in that, I believe in Jesus!’ I was so embarrassed I sat quietly unable to speak for a…

Lightening Bolts

Falling into you In 2017 I met 90210, actually we didn’t meet, we spoke on the telephone and exchanged emails. There was something that intrigued me in 90210’s voice so much that I had told everyone in the office that I was going to find out where he sat and pay him a visit. It…

Brené Brown saves the day

I’m so mad at my Manager. I’m mad because she doesn’t know me. She’s using my illness as weakness but I’m strong. I’m SUPER FUCKING STRONG! My manager sent me six links to pseudo holistic crap about thinking positively which annoyed me and continues to do so all weekend so I send her a link…

Shooting Pain

Starting yesterday and annoying me today. Shooting pains. I check my umbilicus, it seems ok but the pain does not go away. I have a drink. It still hurts. It gets on my nerves. I’m up late worrying. There is nothing I can do. Time for bed. Cross my fingers. Hope to not die. Hope…

True Colours

At 03.30 I awoke abruptly from my sleep deeply annoyed by messages that had been sent to me from my Manager the previous day. She had sent me several emotional freedom technique email links and as I read through her attempts to ‘help’ me I realized how little she knew about me. At our last…

Session Three: Saudade

This week I learn that attending weekly counselling is even harder when you have no one to talk your session through with after. It didn’t bother me before with my grief counselling. I would come home after and cry. I had trouble understanding my emotions. I cried; I was too young to be infertile, too…