My younger step-son informs me innocently that if I keep going to bowling that I will get the hang of it and improve. Instead of agreeing or laughing it off I get annoyed and tell him that I used to be good at bowling but haven’t for ten years, almost to the day. He’s surprised,…
The title of this post is intended to be heard in the style of SpongeBob, to denote the slow passing of time where little has changed. Of course, there are many things that are different: my age, where I live, personal circumstances; but, when looking inwards, at how I really feel, well, I’m not sure…
In my dream I am asked to deliver a baby and I decline. I had been offering to help out on a reality singing TV show, help with make up, help with styling, but everyone I encountered made me feel as though I was in the way. They all smile in my face as they…
I’m annoyed with myself, I feel empty. I can’t feel the excitement, I feel useless and invisible. Where does this come from? Why am I not happy? I drank tonight and I want more, I want to be blind drunk. I’m out. Water it is. I try to change the thoughts going around. Am I…
I recently have become a gardener. Over two weeks I carry heavy bags of compost, lift ceramic pots and bend to water my flowers. It aggravates my hernia. Last year, after rushing me into oncology for biopsies it was determined that I did not have endometriosis but large cysts which had burst. Unamused I moved…
This is the third May that I stay home. To be fair this May and the last were during a lockdown so I couldn’t leave the country even if I wanted to, but still, being grounded and not visiting my favourite place takes it toll, and as we enter Gemini season I see how my…
Things have not been the same since I had that blogging break. Lockdown loneliness got to me; boredom, poverty and the anxiety of waiting to start my new job. I was fed up of being single and was still dealing with mystery pains. It is now 2021 and my life has turned completely around in…
Over the last few weeks, during a period of intense happiness, I dream that SK’s Father and my first boyfriend die. I dream I am kidnapped twice, trapped in buildings, and I also dream that I kiss a boy I once sat next to in school, who repulsed me as he had terrible halitosis. Disturbing…
I wake up around 3am with a smile on my face. Life is good. I am super busy at work, I continue with my volunteering and moving home gives me new domestic chores to focus on. I have never been happier but yesterday proved that I am no Wonder Woman as I attempted to cook,…
I’m drunk. I needed to be drunk. I didn’t know why, maybe I’m stressed, maybe I’m bored? I don’t know. I look at photos from past holidays, I listen to my favourite music; I’m loving life. Podcast time, science stuff. My eyes close. Loving life. Theoretical physics, stuff I should remember from school but don’t.…
Fem Feelings 