I once dropped my bags in the middle of a large shopping mall and ran out. I left my coat behind too. As I stood outside hyperventilating, gulping down icy cold breaths, a second panic came over me that I would be arrested for terrorism for leaving my bags unattended. Rigid with fear I…
Always the same, always the same dreams … I have a dream hangover. I’m feeling bad for the things I did in the dreamworld. I feel awful. I want to get up and go for a walk. I need to get outside, shake it off before it pulls me down. I can feel it happening…
No one kissed me in my dreams last night. I wake up and I ask myself how I feel and I’m alright. I don’t cry. I feel kinda normal. Sonny & Cher on the radio, it’s Groundhog Day and I’m bored again . A few weeks ago I called Helen and made an appointment. I…
I wish I had named my kitten something different as she’s rarely called by her given name Queen Victoria. Why I didn’t nickname her Queenie I’ll never know but they were palm-sized and unbelievably cute and I didn’t think for a minute that we would have the strained relationship we do now with me wanting…
On the third of January 2010 SK drove us back from Belfast international and announced he wanted to go on a break. I nodded, nothing was dramatic. There were no tears, no begging, no pleading. I started back in full time education that same month, in England. At first I lived in Ireland four days…
Yesterday was the hottest day of the year so far, big whoop, bring on the storm clouds, let it pour down. Everyone else and their dog sat in beer gardens, had BBQs and watched the kids run around the park. I sat inside my room whist laughter, cooking smells and sunshine mingled outside having fun.…
Losing my teeth is probably second to losing my mind in my battle with depression as just as I no longer think coherently nor do I eat in any sensical pattern. First I gave up food. I was stressed. Then I ate too much, then I binged on alcohol, drugs and lastly sugar. The sugar…
It’s actually quite pathetic to confess but if you verbally attack me I will say nothing. Not a word, nothing. You win. I lose. I freak out. Panic attacks and my world crumbles as I turn inward and destroy myself silently. I cannot stand up for myself. It causes me much harm. It makes me…
I confess to you all right here right now that my one true obsession in life is love. Every waking hour of mine contains a thought, a feeling or random act of kindness; I live for love. For someone so seemingly melancholic I want you to know that under this skin is not misery or…
I wasn’t much fun tonight, I rarely am. My friend Sabs and I went for a Turkish meal then late night shopping for children’s pyjamas. I made Sabs laugh during the meal but as tiredness kicked in I became withdrawn and introverted. Sabs let me talk about the last few weeks and what I have…
Fem Feelings 